The Awkward Existence of Liberal Patriarchy

The girl is allowed to enjoy and work towards her dreams, but maybe she needs to be allowed to be her own person too.

Artwork by: Sandhya Jeremiah Dung

In the due course of time, many issues that call for concern acquire what some consider to be a 'cliche.' This is often related to the 'in-trend' factor that goes away with time, rendering the concerns, unfashionable if not insignificant. The existence of the system of patriarchy is hard to trace and taking into account the unknown ways of its internalisation, harder to determine the 'why' and 'how' of its persistence. Be it in the form of a girl being refused to pursue higher education (or any education at all) or a man refused to pour a glass of water for himself, patriarchy exists and continues to persist in ways that often go unnoticed owing to the aforementioned internalisation it tends to acquire over time.

Released in 2017, a short film named Juice tried to portray this internalised patriarchy by capturing the gender dynamics that exist within an Indian household where the male and female hosts of the same house party serve different and unequal roles. The female host, cooks, serves and is expected to make sure that the gala time in the other room as hosted by the male host does not get interrupted. The protagonist portrayed by Shefali Shah does not use words to counter the misogyny but sits down with a glass of juice that embodies the saturation level of her patience. This iconic yet highly underrated film in a strong yet subtle way exemplifies those few instances of internalised patriarchy which until questioned or brought to attention through cinematic direction, are seldom given a thought. The climax of the film might be equated to a disapproving stare expected to put the patriarch in a position of embarrassment and realisation but then again, that's just what we watch and quickly forget.

While this reflected an unnoticed yet clearly depicted state of patriarchy, there are other manifestations that do not receive attention because of which it is hard to determine that there is something absurd after all. In an average urban/modern Indian household, the situation is deemed to be better and even though it definitely is, one cannot deny the inconspicuous determinants of patriarchy that are often presented under the garb of tradition or simply 'being protective'. The issue here lies in the fact that although such households do not stick to norms that are 'backwards' per se, they do not seem to move forward either which might make one question if there is something wrong.

"This does not take place here. Feel free to do what you may once you get married." This statement generates a trigger as it tends to imply that the ability to practice individual will comes from a man- the watchful eye of the father before marriage and that of the husband after marriage.

"This does not take place here. Feel free to do what you may once you get married." This statement generates a trigger as it tends to imply that the ability to practice individual will comes from a man- the watchful eye of the father before marriage and that of the husband after marriage. The latter allows the practice of that will only if the 'non-backward' approach is held by the other family as well. Going out, not going out after a particular hour, talking to and befriending people from the other gender without being monitored- some liberal families do have concerns that although stem from a sense of protectiveness, do not really allow for the expression of individual will and freedom.

On a more non-trivial level, as some may consider the mentioned examples to be to the contrary, the name of a married woman on an invitation card, if comes at all, cannot be included without that of the husband and in some cases, the in-laws, irrespective of the participation held by the latter in the event. Dil Dhadakne Do (2015), another popular Bollywood film very tactfully brought a few things to our notice which ironically tended to serve as eye-openers instead of just another pat of realisation.

".....it has not been this way till date but I permitted my wife to work. Things are changing you know. They are getting better."

"That is exactly my point. Why does she need your permission."

"Well...you know what I mean."

"No, I do not know what you mean."

*Awkward Silence*

The term liberal is associated with greater freedom and a number of girls are lucky enough to be born into families that try breaking away from those so-called backward norms even though the place beyond the four walls of that home and set up may not be as liberal. But not going backwards while staying in the same place is not a sign of moving forward which does not lead to the desired change either.

The world is sadly not as safe as it should be and this sad reality cannot be changed by just a few individuals, but maybe the work of a family is not to protect but to raise the person into someone capable enough to protect herself (and himself). There is a world to explore and a life to be lived, unquestioned and unrestricted, and trust to be entrusted, if not in the world but the person brought up, for the experiences lost and the experiences gained are and will be of her own. Maybe, she (AND he) needs to be taught how to be cautious yet fearless so the progeny is seen (and not permitted) to be living in and making the world a better place.

Thanks for moving past those backward norms but maybe it is time to move forward too. The woman is permitted to work outside but maybe it is time for the man to start contributing to the domestic domain as well. Equity, right?

The girl is allowed to enjoy and work towards her dreams, but maybe she needs to be allowed to be her own person too. Oh and that means both before and after marriage.

*Awkward*

Nevertheless, once again, thank you for being one of those who chose to beyond the control of orthodoxy and tradition, it is appreciated.

Article by: Yamini Issar